Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
