i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
