Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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