i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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