I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
