Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
