what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
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