we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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