apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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