kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
