Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
