I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
