He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
