I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
