haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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