Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
