drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Randomize
