I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
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