Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I think my fart just growled at me.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
