Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
