I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
foreskin is a definite game changer
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
