Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
