My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I just want to make out with him forever
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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