if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
