I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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