I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
