Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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