btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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