why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
