dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Randomize
