woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
