Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
