I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
