I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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