A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
