I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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