She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
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