Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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