i barfeds in our rink
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Randomize
