I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
