There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
