i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
