I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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