I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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