I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
