We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
