so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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