I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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