In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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