so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
