My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
her facebook's as public as her vagina
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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