On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize