he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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