I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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