Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Randomize
