My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
