I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize