Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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