My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
