He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
